Speaking of life

For some reason that is completely beyond me, representatives from a local business college have asked me to be their commencement speaker. I’m assuming President Bush was busy. And Vice President Cheney. And Paris Hilton. And just about everyone else. Except me. So because I have no life I get to stand in front of 150 graduates and their friends and families and tell them ... what? I don’t have any unique political insights to offer. I can’t give them any tips about finding success in the business world. I’m not a philosopher or a comedian or a poet. Heck, I’m not even a college graduate, so the way I see it, they’ve already accomplished something that I didn’t accomplish n so why should they bother to listen to me? As far as I can see, the only thing I’ve done that they haven’t done is aged. A lot. I’ve lived two or three decades longer than most of the graduates. Maybe there are a few things that I’ve learned through the years that will be worth 15 minutes of their time on graduation evening. For example, I’ve learned that “fair” only exists for prize hogs and Disney princesses. For the rest of us “fair” is, at best, a theoretical concept. It would be nice to think that fairness and equity dictate that we will at least receive equal portions of good stuff and bad stuff n eventually. But it doesn’t work that way with referees in the NBA playoffs, and it doesn’t work that way in life. While all of us are going to experience difficulty now and then, some of us are going to have more than our share of disaster and disappointment. That’s just that way it is. Thankfully, life isn’t a sprint n it’s a steeplechase. It isn’t about racing unimpeded from beginning to end. It’s about facing obstacles and overcoming them. Sometimes we clear the hurdle cleanly and efficiently. Sometimes we stumble and fall face first in the water. The key to success in the steeplechase n and in life n is not in never falling, but in getting up quickly and getting back in the race. What happens to you isn’t as important as how you choose to respond to what happens to you. That will make all the difference. Another thing I’ve learned through the years is that karma is real. What goes around comes around. You reap what you sow. Just ask Tony Soprano. At its heart, life is a series of choices. Am I going to get up on time? Am I going to shower this morning? Am I going to have Cocoa Krispies for breakfast? Am I going to break the speed limit on the way to work? Am I going to pull over to help that stranded motorist? You make choices, and you accept the consequences. Sometimes the consequences are immediate and natural: anxiety, indigestion, a speeding ticket. Sometimes they are more ethereal, like how good things seem to happen to you after you’ve done something good for somebody else. At the very least, you feel good about yourself and the world in which you live. And that’s good karma to have working for you n especially if life isn’t fair (see above). Of course, there are other things I’ve learned through the years n mostly don’ts: don’t double dip your chip at a party, don’t hurry when shaving with a new blade, don’t forget to change your oil, don’t invade a Middle Eastern country without having an exit strategy firmly in place. But I don’t plan to spend much time on those during my commencement address. Instead I’ll wrap up with the biggest “do” of all: do be meticulously honest. Right from the start. Don’t tell that first little lie. Don’t steal that first ream of paper. Don’t fib one half-hour on your time sheet. If you don’t do it the first time, there won’t be a next time. Or a next. Or that final stupid dishonesty that will ruin your life and your reputation forever. Even if that means that you don’t have an excuse n real or fabricated n when someone asks you to give a speech.