Talking to your kids about cancer

By Lynn Bornfriend, MD
Nearly three million children in the United States are living with a parent who is battling cancer or is a survivor, estimates a U.S. National Health Interview Survey. With such staggering statistics, it’s important that parents know how to address their illness with children of all ages.

As a psychiatrist at Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA) in Philadelphia, and mother of two, I am seeing more and more cancer patients who have young children. Through my role, I know first-hand how talking to one’s children about a cancer diagnosis is often very challenging. The most important piece of advice I try to impart on parents in this situation is to remember, above all, honesty is key when speaking with children. They can sense when something is wrong and hiding it will only make them think the worst.

However, parents should still consider different approaches to talking to their children about the topic of illness and tailor their conversations depending on age and maturity level. To get you started, here are a couple age-specific things to keep in mind while having a conversation about cancer with your children.

Preschool: Keep it simple. Use age specific language like “booboo” and “strong medicine." Understand that they will have questions and try to answer them as honestly as possible. Allow for play, humor and family time.

Elementary School: Be specific and direct about what they will see and hear. Try to explain in advance some of the side effects of treatment that they will see — i.e. hair loss from chemotherapy. Allow them to feel involved by giving them small tasks to help out. Help them keep as normal of a routine as possible.

High School: Be extremely open and honest because teens will know when you are hiding something. Try to avoid having them act as the caregiver for you or younger siblings, they still need to be teenagers. This group may have more intense reactions than other ages, so respect their feelings.

For more information visit Cancer Treatment Centers of America’s website at www.cancercenter.com.

— Lynn Bornfriend, MD is a Psychiatrist with Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA) in Philadelphia.